Finding The Trust
by pegbronco
Summary: This is 'The Fix' related. This goes along with 'Remembering the Trust'. This is Starsky's POV.


I don't own the boys…

Love to play with them.

This is 'The Fix' related.

FINDING THE TRUST

By Pegbronco

Aw please buddy…please tell me I didn't see what I just saw you do.

I know how many packs there are. You palmed one into your pocket as if I wouldn't know.

You think that I wouldn't see you? I noticed that you looked around to make sure no-one was watching. Don't you know that I've been keeping an eye on you? Watching and waiting.

Since Forrest, I know that you've been hurting. Been putting up a front so that no-one will take notice. But inside, your reliving it. Three weeks you've been fighting it.

Damn you Forrest! I should have done more then just arrested you for what you did to him.

Hutch, now I watch as your self assurance nose dives. Your inner world now crumbling around your feet.

Come on Hutch…fight it!

How can I stand by and watch you implode onto yourself alone?

"Hey Hutch…want to get some food at Huggy's?" I hope I can distract you long enough for the urge to loosen it's grip on you.

You won't even look at me. Why are you scared to look at me? Ashamed for what the _drug_ made you do? Have you already made up your mind?

Fight it damn it!

Do I follow you home, or wait for you to find me?

If I show up there, you'll just fight me. Fight as if I backed you into a wall. I'm so sorry buddy. This is a battle your going to have to fight yourself Hutch.

I'll have to wait for you. Today, I wait for you to remember us.

Please Hutch, think about what your doing to yourself. Think about what your doing to us.

Remember what we have Hutch. Remember what you mean to me.

You're my rock Hutch. Let me be your rock tonight.

You are my world. You've been the best thing in my life. Please know that whatever it is your doing, I will always be here for you.

Now Fight!

How long do I have to sit here listening to my heart break?

To watch you go through withdrawals, broke my heart Hutch. To know that I could do nothing to help, but hold you till the drug let go. To hold you next to my heart that you own. To know that the drug possessed your mind and body, scared the hell out of me. I could have lost you. And that would mean losing myself.

Buddy…please lets not go down that road again. But if you do, I'll walk beside you. As always, by your side.

Fight Hutch! Fight!

It's been hours now. Twelve hours according to the watch.

Your strong Hutch. One of the strongest people that I have ever known. It's your strength that gets us through the hell that we live. You have the strength to fight this.

If your weak, let _me_ be _your_ strength tonight. Strong enough to hold you up.

I'm here Hutch. Here to help you.

I hear the car. You've made it to me. But you've hesitated. Did you give in Hutch? Give into the power that the drug holds? Allowed Forrest to win?

Is the fight gone in you?

I know that your standing at the door. What are you afraid of? All you have to do is ask Hutch. Come in. I'm here waiting for you.

Fine. I'll do it for you. I'll save you that last move that you can't take.

Ohgod Hutch…your standing here at my door looking as if you've lost the fight. Your sleeve. What have you done to yourself?

Got to get you inside before you fall down.

Come on Hutch, one step at a time. You can make it.

OK, so it's the floor tonight.

You laying there drowning in your self hatred. Beating yourself to a pulp.

You still won't look at me. Let me see your eyes Hutch. Let me see your heart.

I need you to look at me. See that I'm still your friend. See the love that I still have for you. No matter what you've done, I won't turn my back on you.

The drug. You just handed me my trust in you back. I don't understand Hutch?

I can't look at the powder that you just handed me. It's a world that can steal you away from me.

Ohgod…your telling me that you would have given _me_ up to Forrest. Aw Hutch, I know that _you _wouldn't do it. Your heart would never let that happen.

I can feel your body trembling with your self loathing. You so damn scared. Scared that I wouldn't love you anymore. Scared that I would turn my back to you.

No Hutch. You're the other half of my soul. I would never turn from you.

Aw Hutch…let it out. Let out the pain that you've been living with. Look into my eyes and know that I love you more then this world.

No…I'm not going to let you turn away from me. Not tonight. You need to feel the love I have for you.

Your not alone. I will always be here for you. Me and Thee Hutch.

Alright buddy…I can now see that light in your eyes coming back. Now lets get off this floor. Crisis is over. At least for tonight.

But buddy, I know that your still going to have times that your not going to trust yourself. Look for me at those times Hutch.

Tonight Hutch, you beat it. You fought it and found the trust in yourself and me.

End


End file.
